Secrets: I fear commitment
Now, most of you are laughing at the title, thinking to yourself, “How can he have a fear of commitment when he’s been married to Jean for 14 years, together for nearly 20???”. Yes, I know, it amuses me too. But that isn’t the commitment I am speaking of. Rather, I have recently discovered I have trouble committing to more mundane aspects of life something for fear of what I’ll lose or ignore by doing so. Specifically, this has come to me in terms of hobbies, or extra curricular activities outside of work.
A friend recently blogged the following quote, which resonated with me:
“What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.” ~T.S. Eliot
I have been hesitant to start up any hobby which forces a time commitment for me, mainly for fear of choosing to focus on something and find that I have neglected other things, or simply missed seeing something I’d want to do even more so. Take, for instance, my desire to learn how to play my tenor banjo. Do I commit cash and time to lessons, find a group to play with, only to find that I am no longer focused on photography, motorcycling, writing, or (shudder at the thought) my whiskies tasting group?
While I recognize my need to be more social, this fear of committing seems to keep me from jumping into a group and really getting to know local people. I also recognize that in order to begin with anything, I need to end this silly indecisiveness. An end to the day-to-day doldrums will indeed be the place from which I start.
Here’s to new beginnings!