So, um, yeah….

Depression sucks ass. Of course a bottle of wine doesn’t really help.

Fiscal issues are my down fall. When I start worrying about money, everything else seems to go to shit as well.

I want to move away from any place that has “neighbors”.

I want a job with a company that realizes how necessary I am and treats me accordingly.

I want to write for a living.

I want to live in an open floor-planned space designed for something more industrial.

sigh. I want ambition and drive to actually attain the things I want.

10 thoughts on “So, um, yeah….

  1. {{{hugs}}}

    I know how that goes; you start out with ONE thing, and then pretty soon everything thing else that even REMOTELY brings you down jumps on the bandwagon (“don’t forget about me!” “and me” “oo oo and ESPECIALLY *me*”).

    Hope you got a good nights sleep & are feeling a bit more ready to face the world today. If not, just remember you’re a Super Trouper ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Tonight the
    Super trouper lights are gonna find me
    Shining like the sun
    (sup-p-per troup-p-per)
    Smiling, having fun
    (sup-p-per troup-p-per)
    Feeling like a number one
    Tonight the
    Super trouper beams are gonna blind me
    But I wonโ€™t feel blue
    (sup-p-per troup-p-per)
    Like I always do
    (sup-p-per troup-p-per)
    โ€™cause somewhere in the crowd thereโ€™s you- Abba

    1. Re: {{{hugs}}}

      Thanks ๐Ÿ™‚ That brought a smile to my face… Things do seem better today as I knew they would. Sometimes you just gotta let it out though.

    1. Thanks and…

      Agreed. I have struggled with a decided lack of ambition for a while now. Normally it isn’t too bad, but when I get depressed it is the big one that comes out of the closet to remind me that nothing will change unless I have the drive and desire to change it. Ugh.

      You can see now, that while i have been quiet on your journal, I have been secretly empathizing with your own struggles.

  2. I’m glad you’re feeling better today. The next time you start to get discouraged or depressed, here’s my advice:

    #1. Neighbors suck but for most people they’re an unfortuate fact of life. You can’t escape them but you CAN have hours of fun and amusement at their expense.

    The easy and obvious one is to take the cover off of Lenore for a few days and park her on the street – preferably in front of someone else’s house.

    Crank up the stereo with really bad and/or offensive music on a weekend morning, open all the windows, then leave for the day. Anything from India or China is the most annoying and no one will dare complain about anything ethnic ’cause then you can say they’re racist.

    Call your local chapter of Jehovah’s Witnesses to request a free copy of the Watch Tower and give your neighbor’s names and addresses. Wait a couple of weeks, then call a different chapter of JW’s and do it again.

    Put their names and addresses on every mailing list and free drawing you can find (oh the junk mail they’ll receive for years!). Better yet, make up an obnoxious fake name with their address.

    Request free info by mail about impotence, adult bed-wetting, or swinging / wife-swapping in their name (even better junk mail!).

    Go to the book store and take the subscription cards that say “bill me later” from every magazine and fill them out for your neighbor – they’ll thank you later.

    Have a taxi come to their house at 4am, then have another one come at 4:30, 5:00, and 5:30.

    #2. You lie! You do NOT want to work for a company that appreciates you…blah blah blah. You don’t want to work for a company at all, you want to write for a living. In the meantime, while you are working for someone else just remember that NO ONE is as appreciated as they feel they should be and few people are ever told that they are as appreciated as they actually are. They already brought you back because they couldn’t live without you. If someone treats you badly at work, have that info about wife-swapping and adult bed-wetting sent to them at work. They’ll never be able to look the mail-room person in the eye again. Or just empty their stapler and adjust the height on their chair whenever they step away from their desk. Remember, it’s the little things that are the most irritating.

    #3. Margaret Mitchell was not a writer – she wrote Gone With The Wind because she was in the hospital and bored (no tv in those days). Surely you can do better than an under-educated, untrained, middle-aged, bed-ridden, 1930’s housewife!! She wrote the last page first and let the rest write itself – she didn’t stress or fuss over it. You don’t have to write the great american novel – just write one page. I’ll buy it from you for a dollar and you will be a professional, paid writer.

    #4. The open floor-plan, industrial thing is SO 2003, what are you thinking?! If you must live that way, make sure to include lots of architectural elements and at least a couple of water features.

    1. #1. I will only do it in such a way so I can’t be identified as the culprit.
      #2. You’re right, I don’t want to work for a company. However, the company I work for has changed, and is treating the support engineers like red-headed step children. This is not the way it used to be when I left. The fact that they brought me back was due to another employee leaving and Rowen knowing that I was overwhelemed at my other job, NOT because they couldn’t live without me. (Rowen appreciates me, it is the company as a whole that I have the problem with).
      #3. I don’t WANT to write a book. I want to write marketing copy and technical manuals and edit the same. I am not a “creative”, but I CAN create technical documents and other such things. But point taken, I DO need to get off my ass and write.
      #4. You better believe there will be architectural elements and water features!

  3. #1. What could go wrong?
    #2. I thought you were a red-headed step-child.
    #3. so in other words I’m absolutely right
    #4. There may be hope for you yet.

    1. #1. I don’t need any enemies.
      #2. I am neither red-headed nor a step-child. I am a blonde-brown bastard. get it right. ๐Ÿ˜›
      #3. Sure, if you’ll pay me a dollar for every page I write. ๐Ÿ™‚
      #4. Did you just call me gay? ๐Ÿ˜‰

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