Good Lord, You’re a Wine-o!
Admit it: you’ve been looking for ways to snub your peers since puberty. Now that you’re an adult, you’ve taken it to a whole new level. You intimidate your Franzia-chugging friends with effete references to defective noses and oaky palates. Sometime within the next hour, you will take great joy in buying a $50 bottle of spoiled grape juice from some obscure region of Italy. There’s a small chance you will use it to get someone into bed, but you’re probably just going to drink the whole damn thing by yourself.