It’s Been One Week…

This entry was posted by on Thursday, 21 April, 2005 at

It has been a week since my last post, and I just now realized it. I had intended to post about our trip to the Huntington Library with Meg, Craig, and the 5 kids, but it seems time has slipped away from me. I even have pictures to post, but have been too busy doing other things to get to actually cropping and uploading the images.

Specifically, my time is being taken up by a small (but growing exponentially) project for my dad. It is his birthday in a few days and I decided that I would buy him his own domain name and hosting package and design a website for him to help promote his artwork.

For those of you who don’t know, my dad is quite the talented watercolourist. He has been painting for the past few years and selling his work at local art shows. Well, so many people have asked him about a website that he had decided he needed one about a year ago. I told him I would do it for him, but he never really pushed any further on it.

I finally had to put my foot down and take control, otherwise he would never have one done at all. So I bough him a domain name, and am currently working on designing a site for him and am even looking at implementing a shopping cart to see prints and giclee’s from. Original works will still need to be bought in person, of course.

So, until the site is up and running, I doubt I will post much. Once complete though, you can bet I will be pimping the hell out of it! So you will all need to check it out once it is live and tell me what a wonderful job I did on it, and maybe even buy a print or two while you’re there… 😉

And now for some more introspective issues…
I emailed my birth mom about two weeks ago to make sure she had received my message from early February. I have yet to hear any response to either message. I fear I may have said something to make her run for the hills, or that after reading this journal, she realized that my tattoo fetish was not reconcilable with her own beliefs… or who knows what.

I am disappointed that she hasn’t replied, but at the same time can understand how difficult this all must be. One part of me wants to push and continue pushing until I get a reply and can continue talking, while another part of me says I should lay off and just let things happen if they happen at all.

I want to be completely selfish here and get answers to my questions, but in the same breath stop myself from doing anything. Even my follow up email was an act of selfishness and wanton disregard for anyone else. My biggest fear here is that I will screw something up so horribly that I will never have the opportunity to know my own mom. Things feel soooooooo precarious right now that it seems like I have the potential to alienate her forever if I don’t phrase my words just right.

Oh well, I guess what was meant to be will be… if I am destined to talk to a grave stone, so be it.
(It is the ODDEST feeling to be so interested in someone I really don’t know at all. I imagine she feels the same way. Fearful that I may not live up to her expectations or be successful enough in my own life to make her proud, I’d think she may feel the same way about me and wanting to live up to my expectations and fearing she wouldn’t…. sometime we just all need to let go of our fears and accept what life has to deal us.)

Sorry for what is most likely a disjointed, stream of consciousness post. Sometimes you just need a little wine based lubricant to open the flood gates of thought and self censorship. I will probably regret posting this in the morning, but lucky for you all, I also feel morally obligated to allow any post to remain up and unedited for all my successes and failures to be proudly displayed.

2 Responses to “It’s Been One Week…”

  1. Wow, what a wonderful gift for your dad!!! And how cool for ME as I will most definately need artwork when I move into my new place & go back to work 😉

    Sorry to hear about the lack of response from your birth mother. {{{hugs}}} I know how excited you were about corresponding with her. Perhaps she’s just busy with her life; I know that if I wasn’t sending out emails about my treatment, many of my friends would not have heard from me these last 3 months, and hardly anyone has gotten an individual email from me in that time. Sometimes life just gets in the way…

  2. Oh, I fully understand “Life”. Same thing happens to me. BUT, with some things I am less than logical and more emotional about and no “understanding” can really help. Which kinda sucks. But I get past it fairly quickly, it just tends to cycle through again and again… Typically it is only a fleeting thought, except when I happen to be at a computer and logging an entry into LiveJournal, then I get to dissect the thought a bit more. For better or worse.


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