I knew this would happen too…

This entry was posted by on Wednesday, 8 February, 2006 at

I got a call today from the owner of All American Tattoo and Body Piercing in Fullerton. you know, the studio where Wendi works….

He wants me to update their website. On Wendi’s recommendation of course. Not only that, but one of the other tattoo artists in the shop wants me to redesign his site too. My only saving grace here is that I won’t feel bad about charging them cold hard cash to do the work since I don’t know them as friends.

But my gods… I DON’T WANT TO BE A WEB DESIGNER! It is NOT my calling and I am not as good as you think I am! I cheat. I steal code and modify it to make it my own. I work an entirely different job for 40 hours a week. I don’t need a second income. I want to spend time with my wife, not behind a computer all night. I want to play in the SCA and spend time restoring my new car. I don’t want to spend all my time at a computer….

But yet, for some reason, I can’t say know to people who ask me for help.

yes, I pride myself on being an asshole. I revel in the fact that I hate people. I manipulate and lie to ensure my survival and comfort. But why is it, when I am put in a situation where I am asked and can help someone, I have absolutely no ability to say “no”? Why can I not lie when I know I could help but don’t want to?

Feh. On a related, but completely different topic: siobhan_genie‘s post also hit a chord with me. I expected SOMEONE to have an issue with the hearse, I just didn’t expect it to blind side me by a neighbor bringing over a mis-delivered bit of mail.

I understand that it is really bad timing; us bringing home a hearse after her husband’s mother’s death this past weekend. I feel bad that they see a reminder of their loss in my driveway. But it is MY driveway, and I have not done anything overtly offensive to anyone. It is only a car, people. A luxury car at that. I have a Benz in my driveway too… and an aging, barely functional SUV on the street that could nearly be considered abandoned for as much as I drive it. Let’s see you complain about those. Yeah, I didn’t think so…

I am sorry you “have to explain” to your kids, why the freaky neighbors down the street are driving a car that takes dead people to the cemetery. I didn’t make you pro-create. Explaining the facts of life to kids (all of which are at least 8th grade or older) is part of parenting. Suck it up and DEAL with it. Or ignore it, I don’t care. It is not my problem HOW you deal with your kids. So don’t put it on me.

I understand people deal differently with death. And yes, it is still bad timing. For THAT I’m sorry and feel bad. But I can’t bring back your mother-in-law, and you can’t get rid of my car, so we will need to deal with it like adults. Which, of course, means hearing me out when I am giving you my condolences and explaining that the car will be under a car cover shortly so that you and the rest of the neighbors won’t be “forced” to look at the “DEATH-MOBILE!”. That means not walking away from me as I am trying to explain.

Maybe now I WON’T spend the $300 on a custom car cover to “protect” the innocents in the neighbor hood. Perhaps now I will make a point to display my new car proudly…… oh who am I kidding. I know I can’t win here. Car cover it is…..

Welcome to wonderful South Orange County, California.

Ok. I vented. I’m done. hopefully this is the last we will hear of it. if the neighbors decide to ignore us, so be it. We never “fit in” with them anyhow. In fact, the last party we were invited to before New Years was a good year and a half ago. I don’t think they liked us to begin with really. now we just gave them an excuse….

17 Responses to “I knew this would happen too…”

  1. Two words for your neighbor:

    F*ck THEM!

    Two more words for your neighbor:

    Grow the F*ck up you uptight, OC, fighting to keep your house so you can say you live in OC with your future asswipe junkie kids.

    ok, so it was more then 2 words.

    THIS, THIS right there is 90% of why we left OC!

  2. I don’t get the “have to explain” to her kids. What is there to explain? They know about death already, pretty clearly, and I really doubt the kids are, like, freaked out about it.

    Interesting point you made in siobhan_genie’s journal about how they assumed it was all you, as if you make all family decisions and forced your poor wife into this! Our culture still likes to demonize men, in an entirely different way than we demonize women.

  3. Oh, and for the first part of your post: I had the same problem for a while with cake decorating. It was really flattering, and I enjoy doing the work, but I just couldn’t do it for a variety of reasons. What I started doing was simply saying that I’m sorry but I’m not available to do that kind of work anymore, and I’d recommend someone whose work I trusted and whose prices were in my range. This is a client, not a friend, so there’s no need to feel bad about saying no. (Ideally we wouldn’t feel bad about friends either, but that’s a whole other issue of complications.)

  4. I have a feeling it is only because their loss was so immediately recent. Bad timing really, and in their defense, she didn’t ask me to DO anything about it. She only indicated she had a problem when I picked up on the feeling she might and asked her directly.

    I really SHOULD learn to not post when I am drunk and emotional. As Jean said, I don’t think this is as big of a deal as we may think. We just need to let it go and allow it to not bother us.

  5. Regardless. It’s just a car.

  6. That was my thought too, about the kids. Nothing bugs me more (well okay, I won’t lie, I am sure I can find a number of things, but for this point, nothing) than people whop try to blame me for their inability to talk to their children. After all, YOU grew up in the is world before you decided to have kids, you knew what it was like. Don’t blame be because you don’t want to deal with the world, let alone “explain” it to your kids.

    With regards to my poin in Jean’s journal…. I get the feeling, though no one has outright stated it, that everyone thinks this was wholly my idea. I don’t get that. Apparently other couples either don’t talk to each other, or the wife is completely dominated by the husband, cause they all seem to think thats what OUR relationship is like. Which couldn’t be further from the truth.

    Ugh. People are stooopid.

  7. My problem is that I work as a Technical Support Engineer. It is my daily JOB to HELP people when they need it, regardless if I want to or not. My personality is such that when I see someone who needs help, and I may have an answer, I try to help the best I can. Simply said, it is a behaviour that is so engrained in me, I need to consciously contain it and take active steps to NOT fall into these “traps” I set for myself.

    Luckily, as you said, they are clients, not friends. Friends are -much- more difficult for me to say no to.

  8. Totally. I agree. But a lot of people don’t see it that way… I wonder if I just call it a limo, if people will look at it differently πŸ™‚

  9. I think that people in general are so afraid of death (no matter where you live) and anything that remotely reminds them of their mortality bothers them. I’m betting that if your neighbors family member hadn’t just died that they probably wouldn’t have been as bothered by it. Thing is, I’m sure that if you had an offensively bright neon colored car (no matter the make/model) someone would have issues with it. It’s a shame that we live in a society that if you don’t look and act like everyone else then there must be something wrong with you. My cousin in Michigan is going through something similar. I wouldn’t cover the car for the neighbors, I’d cover it to save the paint job, etc. They will get over it and if they don’t, they can talk about it to their therapist πŸ™‚

  10. Lisa, you hit the nail on the head. Though I will modify two points for the sake of clarity:

    1. People in AMERICA are afraid of death. We breed this fear in our culture. Outside the US, death is deal with in MUCH more healthy ways. Except those brits… they just throw lime on ’em and walk away. Tha CAN’T be healthy πŸ˜‰

    2. We are indeed getting a cover to protect the paint and vinyl top first and foremost. Secondary to that was for security. It is much less likely to be vandalized when under a cover. And coming in a distant third was to keep it out of view to reduce the likelihood of any “problems”. I AM an asshole, but I rarely do things just to insitgate issues that could effect my housing and happiness.

    They should have known though. I mean hell, I WAS building a child’s coffin in my garage two years ago, and I wear a skirt that shows off my tattoos. All the signs were there πŸ™‚

  11. Oh, and yeah you should call it a limo as in “We just bought a limo *cough* for dead people” :>

  12. Sometimes we have uncontrollable reactions to things; you can’t unstrike a cord, you can only try & deal with the vibrations, ya know?

    It’s a bummer about your neighbor’s reaction, but they’ll get over it. And so will you πŸ™‚ *smooch*

  13. Sagely advice that is. πŸ™‚ Thanks

  14. What if you had just bought a metallic mint green 1964 Buick Skylark convertible, and the dearly departed had also owned a metallic mint green 1964 Buick Skylark convertible? Would it have evoked the same response?

  15. See, I KNEW I liked you for a reason πŸ™‚
    Yes, it probably would have…. BUT they would have also realized it was their own issue much sooner since a mint-green 1964 Buick Skylark convertible is not seen by the general public as wholly associated with death.

    But I LOVE the analogy and MUST remember this so I can use it later on…. Thanks!

  16. Basic Truth:

    Working in technical support you’re well-tuned to this fact: People Love To Complain. People love to not take responsibility. People absolutely love love love to just express displeasure.

    Remind them to plug in their mind. Maybe reboot themselves. That should help.

    And…

    Is it wrong to kind of enjoy that Lenore is making people uncomfortable? Hehe.

    Vicarious living. Next to porn, it’s the internet’s killer app.

  17. Re: Basic Truth:

    Amen brotha. preach it!

    And no, it isn’t wrong to enjoy the discomfort Lenore causes some people. That’s what journaling is all about! πŸ™‚
    I get to enjoy and learn from your escapades, why shouldn’t you do the same from mine? Far from wrong, it is very very right!


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